Dahlia's Worst Enemy
by VickyVicarious
Summary: Hint: it's not Mia Fey.


Another kink-meme prompt. This one requires a disclaimer: Larry is not a rapist. He is merely an imbecile. (...You'll understand soon enough.)

**Prompt: **Larry exorcizes Dahlia by hitting on her.

The premise is that, for a brief period of time during the second day of **Bridge to the Turnabout**, Pearl managed to channel Dahlia. Yes, even though it's supposed to be impossible to channel a spirit already being channeled by someone else. Pearl is _just that awesome._

* * *

><p>Say what you like about him - Larry had quite a way with the ladies. No, really, he did. They may have broken his heart one after another in a steady string of painful experiences that eventually reduced him to changing his name to Laurice Deauxnim, and swearing off love - but hey, this 'they' was a large number of professional models. Beautiful, lovely, wonderful girls that willingly agreed to go out with Larry.<p>

So he did have _some_ skill with women. Maybe not keeping them, exactly, but attracting them at least.

This was a small part of the reason why, upon turning around from adding more wood to the campfire outside the Loser's Shack and seeing Iris rather than his young fellow loser, Pearl, Larry was not especially surprised.

The rest of the reason had to do with him being Larry Butz. Meaning, as soon as he saw Iris, he immediately relapsed into a obliviously lovey-dovey view of the world. He forgot all about the fact that Iris was currently being held in detention by the police, mid-murder trial; he forgot all about Pearl's presence or lack thereof. He failed entirely to notice that Iris was not wearing her traditional garb or sporting her usual hairstyle, in favor of adopting Pearl's dress and hair. He did not realize that 'Iris' was actually Iris's dead twin sister, Dahlia, who was currently in the midst of attempting her latest murder, without poor Pearl's knowledge.

Larry's impression of the events was this: Iris had finally answered his note and come to meet him at the Heavenly Hall (Loser's Shack no longer!) for a romantic tryst! He greeted her accordingly.

"My love!" Larry effused, leaping forward to embrace her. "You've finally come! I knew you would! I've been waiting!"

Dahlia yelped in shock, trying in vain to push him off of her. "Wh-what? Who are you?"

Joyful tears streaming down his cheeks, Larry clung ever tighter to his One True Love. "Your prince in shining armor, of course!"

With an elbow in his gut and a palm to his chin, Dahlia finally managed to escape his stranglehold of a hug, and retreated behind the fire, eyeing her surroundings warily. She blinked in surprise at recognizing the Heavenly Hall, in all its... oddly festively decorated squalor. "How did I get here?" she murmured.

Larry tried to circle the campfire to get to her. Dahlia rotated around it as well, keeping it firmly between herself and this mysterious acquaintance of Iris's. "I know not! You appeared at once, like a vision! Of LOVE!" He paused, hand on his heart. "...Did you fly again?"

Dumbfounded, Dahlia tried out a hesitant nod. For a moment, all traces of 'prince' disappeared from Larry's face, as he pumped a fist in the air and shouted, "HA! Knew it! TAKE THAT, Edgey!"

Then, as though the moment had never occurred, he switched back into lover-mode, winking and blowing a kiss to Dahlia across the campfire. "You must have been flying to me that night too, huh? Trying so hard to reach me... I understand. I feel the same way, Iris..."

Dahlia was a chameleon herself, but for some reason this transformation unnerved her very much. She didn't know what to do. She didn't even know why she was here. Just a few moments ago, she had been sitting locked inside the Sacred Cavern, waiting until it was safe to leave and hunt down Maya Fey. Then, all of a sudden, there was an intense ...pulling, and she appeared here. Had someone else channeled her? It wasn't supposed to be possible to channel a spirit already being channeled by another spirit medium, but - maybe Misty Fey could do it? Dahlia had thought she'd already taken care of that woman, but maybe she'd survived somehow.

Well, regardless of how it had happened, Dahlia was here now. And so was this... boyfriend of Iris's? Her twin always did have terrible taste in men; she'd actually fallen for that 'Feenie' imbecile! Still, this _particular_ imbecile did seem especially lovestruck, so he should fall easily enough for her usual charms. Then Dahlia could leave to find Maya and finish her revenge.

Mind made up, Dahlia assumed a shy, alluring posture, still taking care to maintain her protective position behind the campfire. "P-please, not so loud..." she murmured. "Y-you're making me nervous."

In response, Larry leapt THROUGH the fire, and shouted, "HAVE NO FEAR! I, too, will not be defeated by any measly flames! Our love is as eternal as my art!" He then gestured dramatically at the graffiti on the wall of the shack nearby, with the hand that wasn't slapping at the few flames clinging to his pants.

Dahlia nearly frowned. If she had had a bottle necklace of poison handy, she would have asked him to drink it right then and there. As it was... Smile in place, she tried again. "Y-yes. Our love is... just like your art. But, um... I-I'm still shy, even so. Please don't touch me."

Maybe it was the lack of parasol and butterflies. That was the only difference from Dahlia's usual performances, yet instead of blushing and agreeing vehemently with her words, this odd man did the exact opposite.

He leapt to his feet and grabbed her hands, holding them tightly in his own. "Don't worry," he told Dahlia fervently, "I'm shy too."

He then proceeded to try very very hard to kiss her. Dahlia worked very very hard to stay away. At first, she'd planned only to incapacitate him in order to free herself for the task of murdering Maya Fey. However, she was starting to feel a strong urge to murder someone else, first.

Neck straining backward, innocent expression very difficult to maintain, Dahlia addressed a sharp question at the smooching lips aimed on a collision course with her own: "What's your name?"

Larry experienced a brief - oh, so brief - moment of common sense. _Iris already knew his name!_ his much neglected common sense screamed in his ear, _something wasn't right-_

His common sense was promptly clubbed over the head and tossed into the campfire, where it died a very painful death. He positively beamed down at the woman he believed to be Iris. "Oh ho ho," he chuckled, letting go of her briefly to stroke his chin knowingly. "I know what you're trying to do."

"But don't bother!" Larry flailed an arm out dramatically, incidentally blocked Dahlia's attempted escape. "I've put that name - that life - those women - behind me. I drew myself anew for you, my sweet Iris! **Laurice Deauxnim** is who I am now!"

Dahlia attempted to dodge past him the other way. The person calling himself Laurice attempted to embrace her again at the same time, and their violent collision propelled them inside the open door of the Heavenly Hall, where they fell to the floor in an ungainly tumble.

Trapped on the floor underneath a wildly amorous moron, all too aware of her physical slightness and his own far stronger and larger body, Dahlia shuddered and pulled out all the stops: she began to cry. "P-please, Laurice - d-don't... I – I'm not ready...!"

Larry cupped her cheek tenderly, utterly unaffected. "Iris... my love..."

He leaned forward, closing his eyes, heart beating faster and faster as he drew ever closer to Iris's lips. He could feel her breath against his lips, her body overcome by passion and straining against him, her sweet voice crying his name –

"Mister Laurice!"

Larry stopped short at the girlish shriek, his eyes popping open in surprise. Underneath him, a shocked Pearl was blushing bright red, no Iris in sight.

"Huh? Wha - where did she go?" Larry stood up and dashed back outside, searching through the surrounding snow. "Iris? Iriiiiissss! WHERE ARE YOU, MY LOVE?"

Several minutes later, he tromped back to the (redubbed) Loser's Shack in defeat, plopping down next to a depressed Pearl by the campfire.

"Oh, my fellow loser," he moaned. "I've lost my wits! She seemed so real, I thought she'd come to be with me - but she wasn't even real! I'm so worthless!"

He broke down in tears, sobbing into the shoulder of the young spirit medium next to him. "It's not just you, Mister Laurice," she sniffed. "I - for a second I thought I'd managed to channel her - but I was _wroooong!_" Sniffs turned into wails. "I can't channel a-anyone anymoooreee... I'm useless!"

Hugging each other, the weeping pair exclaimed their misery to the sky above: "WE'RE SUCH LOSERS!"

-xxx-

"NO GET OFF YOU _PERVERT_- oh." Dahlia broke off, panting in relief. She'd made it. Upon finding herself completely unable to either sway Laurice emotionally or to physically shove him off of her, Dahlia had resorted to attempting to leave the body channeling her.

It had been very difficult, as though the channeler was trying very hard to prevent her – only to be expected of Misty Fey – but somehow, she had succeeded. Immediately, she'd been channeled again... but judging by the cold, damp cave she was in, it had been little Pearl Fey who had done the channeling this time.

The Sacred Cavern was deathly cold, not to mention wet and deliberately designed to offer no comfortable resting places. After the warm campfire, this atmosphere was especially terrible... yet Dahlia found herself smiling in desperate relief.

She had just escaped a terrible fate, after all. That man, that Laurice... To be able to resist her charms so easily, he must have a powerful will and a cunning mind. He'd dominated that encounter completely, had made a _fool_ of Dahlia, and trapped without weapons, she'd been unable to do a thing about it.

...But that wouldn't last forever. She would wait in this cave until it was safe, ignoring the discomfort, and when she got her chance, Dahlia would sneak out and finish Maya Fey's murder. That plan was still worth following.

But once Mia Fey's sister was dead and she had her revenge, Dahlia could not simply go back to the afterworld as she had expected. No, now there was another murder on the agenda, of the second person in her life to ever make a fool out of her, the only one to do it so effortlessly.

Once Maya Fey was dead, Dahlia would go after him. She had his name; that was all she needed in order to find him. And when she found him...

When she found him, her most skillful enemy yet, Laurice Deauxnim, would meet his end.


End file.
